Fears and Feelings S ufferers of ISD can be "automatically" gripped by feelings similar to those they might experience in a truly threatening situation--- fear, dread, anger or anxiety. Unaware of any intention, they can be flooded with negative, distracting thoughts. Or, they may focus on their own partner's faults, think about work, children, finances, dieting or any other stressful topic. The fears that kill desire may have nothing to do with sex itself. A general fear or failure often gets channeled into performance anxiety, and anxieties about success can sabotage sexual enjoyment. All the fears you may experience in life can resurface in sexual relationships and cancel the joy and satisfaction. Hypersexual Desire Hypersexual Desire occurs when a person becomes obsessed by the need to have sex regardless of the cost. Usually this behavior provides a temporary relief of unpleasant feelings and is not driven by sexual need. There are many terms for excessive sexual behavior including: erotomania hypersexuality nymphomania promiscuity Don Juanism sexual compulsivity sexual addiction Compulsive sexual activity is behavior driven by anxiety-reduction needs, rather than by sexual desire. The obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions do reduce anxiety and distress, however, they are a self-perpetuating cycle. The sexual activity provides temporary relief but is followed by further distress: guilt and remorse. When the intensity of the disorder is high, it is very resistant to change. Most sexologists agree that sexual compulsive behavior or addiction is not about sex. It is about insecurity, low self-esteem and the desperate need for reassurance. The sex addict feels unloved, unlovable, and empty and looks obsessively for proof that this is not so. He buries his feelings of worthlessness and self-hate from himself and the world. He uses sex to deaden and avoid psychological pain and conflict and to reassure and bolster fragile self-esteem. If untreated, the self-destructive behavior will spiral out of control into disaster for him/her and those who love them. When to Seek Help... Kathleen Logan-Prince, MSW, LICSW     Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist    Certified Sex Therapist Phone: (781) 647-9555 Fax: (781) 893-2075